Vaginal Odour

Normal vagina has an odour and there is absolutely no problem. Normal vaginal odour is common during your period, after sex or after the use of birth control pills. However, if your vagina smells 'fishy', or perhaps 'ratty', there must be a problem. 

Offensive vaginal odour is described as 'foul' but 'penalty' will not be misplaced in some landmark cases. It is quite embarrassing and sometimes inconveniencing. It needs to be fixed asap! 

The vagina should be pink, all things being equal. I mean pink as in pink-sheet except the jurisdiction beyond the small and the big vaginal lips to Mount Venus. 

The vagina should be moist and reasonably warm but sloppy wet or dry hot vagina is a cause for alarm! And this is an enough sign to make you feel jittered and panicky!  

Keeping a neatly odourless vagina is a primary responsibility of all women because it helps them to be more productive. It gives one’s confidence and uplifts one’s image to go with daily work. A stench vagina can strain or ruin your sexual relationship. 

To prevent vaginal odour and its related irregularities... 

• Wear clean underwear. This is important. Please use only cotton panties.  As a matter of fact, two cotton panties are better than ten polyester panties. 100% cotton provides optimum comfort and air-conditioning. 

• Avoid douches and highly scented soaps. By the way, douche is when you mix omo, so klin, dettol, parazone, alata, lemon juice and sometimes sea sand and in extreme cases petrol, to wash the vagina for the purposes of keeping the vagina smell-free and may be youthful.  (Confidence, 2013).

Regular douche turns the friendly bacteria in your vagina to rather aggressive foot soldiers - they then go on rampage seizing what do not belong to them and might go beyond their limits. 

Mantain Law and Order in your vagina by keeping faith with the Döderleins to provide you with the right lethal pH of 4.5 approx.  Use only CLEAN WATER to douche. 

• Wipe your perineum from front to back once with single pad. I mean wipe from the vagina to the anus. Wiping from the anus to the vagina might potentially migrate boko haram militias for insurgence of the vagina. One pad, one wipe! One pad, one wipe! The perineum is the area between the vagina and anus. Do not touch this area 'by heart' with your bare hands. Your hands are potential colony of disease-causing animalcules.   

• Avoid tight fitting underwear and jeans. These garments prevent the area from being aerated, and sweating occurs, causing odour. You have to consider modifying your wardrobe if you care about your vagina. 

• Do not wear panties for too long. For instance, do not wear one pant for one week. A pant daily will do. Note: Do not wear a dirty pant after bathing before changing into a clean pant. Just wear a clean pant after bathing. Towel yourself well to avoid wetting of the pant. Everyone wants where it is cool including bacteria.  

• Change pads, panty liners, tampons regularly. Do not try to manage your pads for the next month. Use them as required! Buy more as required. If it is taking a toll on your budget, please hunt for a responsible man to help you with that. 

The good news however is that, the government will soon be providing sanitary pads to schoolgirls for free. This might help save a good number of ladies from this niggling wahala. 

• Avoid spicy or alcoholic or caffeinated foods. Alcohol will not only trouble you with bad vaginal odour but will considerably reduce your sexual virility and performance. Sex is a serious gymnastic bout and needs a hell of energy to expend. So, would you not rather shun energy sappers like alcohol and other sexually debilitating food?  

• Eat yoghurt to supply your vagina with better and further particulars – good bacteria that will keep it in good condition. FanYogo is just 80 pesewas - tell him to buy you one every day! (Ajeligba, not with this economy)! 

• Avoid prolong use of antibiotics. Antibiotic treatment spanning beyond three months may lead to massive vaginal rigging and irregularities – it may lose it pinkness when contrasted with a pink sheet. This usually deplete free, fair and friendly vaginal flora and fauna – thereby replacing them with the stubborn petitioner, candida albican and his bunch of ill-fated co-petitioners. The vagina defence counsel may try to put up a good fight – but the ingenuous petitioners will bloat their numbers and have their way through. The petitioners win the verdict. 

After the petitioners get into the system, they practise the tradition of their late grandparents – incompetently and wilfully causing financial loss to the body. Massive corruption of state (bodily) organs and remorselessly seizing what legitimately belongs to the citizenry of the body. 

• Avoid oral sex: the vagina is holier than the mouth. Avoid desecrating it with unclean and malodorous mouth! Again, do not ambush it with unholy and dirty articles. 

• Dry your pants in the open aerated sunny area. Most ladies feel shy to dry their panties in the open because their pants are not classy or it has become brownish white or whatever!  Half dry and damp panties provide optimum condition for pathogens to germinate. This may lead to #OccupyTheVagina demo. 

• See a doctor if these measures fail 

• Share with your friends and save someone from vaginal odour.