Logomachy: handsomer

In lecturing a group of pampered pupils about the deadly disease leukemia, otherwise known as blood cancer, Danny Whyte came into my mind. I briefed them about Danny Whyte. How he was afflicted with leukemia, became an ambassador of bone marrow donation to leukemics and subsequently killed by the disease.

I was quick to add that, “Danny Whyte was such a handsome man. But I was handsomer than him” The pupils in unison went like, “handsomer!?” “Ahh!” One fat girl with glasses seated in front me beamed with smile and said freely, “What kind of English is this? You are funny papa”.  I was not surprised by the boldness in the pupils in red flagging me. These are pupils in arguably the best private school in Tamale.

After the dissonance, I repeated myself. I mean handsomer! Let me digress a bit.

In English, adjectives are in three degrees: positive, comparative and superlative. Let’s consider the word “great”. The positive: great, comparative: greater and superlative: greatest.

Both monosyllabic and disyllabic words form its comparative and superlative by taking “-er/-ier” and “est/-iest” respectively.

Monosyllabic word in the language of the class teacher is a word that can be pronounced without a single pause or break. Monosyllabic words: great, white, plain, wild, big, old etc. These words are pronounced in one breath.

Adjective Degrees: - white  - whiter  - whitest

Disyllabic words are pronounced with a single pause or break. The break divides the word into two pronounceable groups known as syllabic – pronounced as though it is two words. Disyllabic words: bony (bo-ny), dirty (dir-ty), handsome (hand-some), extreme (ex-treme), ugly (u-gly), common (com-mon) etc.

Adjective Degrees: - common  - commoner  - commonest

A trisyllabic word by inference is breakable into three pronounceable syllabics or groups. Trisyllabic words: beautiful (bea-ti-ful), skeletal (ske-le-tal), important (im-por-tant) etc. Trisyllabic to decasyllabic words all form their comparative and superlative by taking “more” and “most” respectively.

Adjective Degrees: - beautiful  - more beautiful  - most beautiful

So, I was not wrong for saying “handsomer” instead of “more handsome” even though the latter is also widely accepted.

I added, “It is only in Ghana that some adjectives are reserved for men and women and sometimes the neuter. Adjectives are merely describing words and any adjective of any form and origin can be used to describe either sexes. I hate it (feel embarrassed) when people give me the disapproval look when I refer to my female friends as being ‘handsome’. The looks are often graver with blending ‘beautiful’ with the masculine.”

It is not wrong to say:
- Mulaika gave birth to a beautiful bouncing baby boy.
- Ugly men always desire handsome women.
- This is a star-studded movie of all the beautiful men in Ghana. 

If we can indiscriminately use “ugly” as an adjective for both sexes, why can’t we use “beautiful” and “handsome” similarly. I have considered the oddities of grammar rubrics though – but this one clearly doesn’t reconcile with the illogical aspect of logic.

However, for every grammar unit, there is always an exception to the rule. So, the aforesaid elaborations have its exceptions – but for time I would have anatomized all what I know on this topic.

I am no authority; not a pedagogue! I am not AS Hornby. I am a science student. But I used to be a nerd of language rubrics and I am just trying to recall and share what I know with you.

The writer is a professional nurse, a fan of neologism and a slave of grammatolatry.

Do You Have A Vagina?

A woman hears someone knock at the door. She opens to see and a man asks, "Do you have vagina??" She slams the door in disgust. The next day she hears a knock, opens up and its the same man. He asks the same question the woman slams the door again.

Her husband gets home she tells him what happened for the last two days. The husband says to her, "Honey I'm taking tomorrow off to be home just in case he shows up again."

The next morning they hear a knock at the door and the husband says, "I'm going to hide behind the door and listen. If it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to see where he is going with this.
"The man asks the same question, "Do you have a vagina?" "Yes!" Replies the woman. The man replies, "Good! Would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife's own alone and start using yours?

Retooling Gender Advocacy

I am a feminist of selectivity. I don't buy into certain advocacies for the fairer sex hook, line and sinker. Because I strongly believe some of the demands in the name of gender equality is bizarre and absurd and blindly turn to discriminate against the masculine.

I believe in positive discrimination but society ought to demarcate boundaries in exercising it with sagacity.

The dissonance of gender this and gender that will eventually create a New World Order of relegation of the male sex to leftovers.

A good fraction of the male sex are equally weak and deserve similar and equal privileges and opportunities like the female sex in all jurisdictions. So, I don't fancy the communist inferior tactics by some gender advocates who refer to women as the "weaker sex" - it is fiscal mobilization gimmick from donors and financiers or better still an ever elastic catchphrase of the business.

I am against male chauvinism but the modus operandi in propping up the imbalance will ultimately produce an imbalance. A re-order of nature.

Men are not in any competition with women but players in the gender equality industry keep on coining terminologies to entice donors to keep them in business.

It is about time we took a critical look at issues of gender equality based on scientific parameters rather than sensational over-embellishments of practically innocuous gender issues.

I unconditionally believe in empowering women but I don't support taking power from men and giving it to women.

I am a conscientious feminist!

The Sad Tale Of A School Mate

You won't believe this. I had a childhood friend called Abass. He dropout of school when we were in Primary 6 or so apparently because no one caters for him. He engaged in several menial jobs to make lot of money.  So, he was more or less the millionaire amongst us. What he could buy, we couldn't just dare it. Whiles we were lying on mat then he bought a covered latex foam mattress.

When mountain bikes became the craze of the time, he was one of the proud owners of one. He bought a beautiful exceptionally designed blue mountain bike. It was so unique that you could identify it wherever it was found. You could count yourself lucky for an opportunity offered to take a jolly ride on it. 

Some of us in school practically thought the whole school wahala is to make money. So,  why can't we abandon school and join him in his money-making jobs. On a second thought, we retreated! 

One day, something really dreamy tragic happened. He went to Melcom to buy whatchamacallit. He parked and locked the bike outside and entered. He came out and the bike was nowhere to be found. It was stolen just like that!

He came home with the bad news. We had nothing to say but empathize with him. But some guys were happy because he never gave them the chance to ride the bike. Those who were happy felt God has brought him to parity with them again. Mountain bike a decade ago cost an arm and a leg. And not even all salaried workers could buy it. 

However, he was resolute to find the stolen bike in his distraught moments. He went and borrowed a co-equal MOTORCYCLE. He planned to go back to Melcom and park the motorcycle at where he parked his stolen bike without locking it. Then, he will move into Melcom, hide somewhere, peep through any available opening, waiting for someone to come and pick the motorcycle (a bigger bait he presumed). Then, whoever attempts picking it by logic is his bike's thief.

He went back, parked the borrowed motorcycle at the same place. Whiles he was moving into the store, he heard a screeching sound of car breaks amidst people wailing. He turned and looked back. He was terrified. It was a bloody accident on the main road. He rushed to the scene to satisfy his curious mind.

His eyes were stacked on the accident scene until it dawned on him that he came there for a purpose. He turn away to where he parked the motorcycle and it was nowhere to be found.

When he returned to tell us the story, we were pretty sure that he was lying even though he returned without the friend's motorbike. We thought he was pulling a prank on us. But some of us could clearly observe his flushed face with eyes drenched in deep sadness. Inasmuch as he tried to prove to us that he was not very perturbed his shaky voice betrayed him.

The next day, I dodged from school because I know there were lot at home to chit chat about. I went straight to our usual meeting place only to be welcomed with an incredulous story. Abass was a marksman in catapulting. He never missed for the third time to kill a bird or bat with a catapult. He killed a bird which got stuck on a tree branch. Abass fell off from the tree and had his right hand and right leg fractured (broken). Trying to seize a tiny meaty dead bird on a tree branch cost him an arm and a leg.

I was smacked into stupor. I thought I was dreaming too as I entered into the thatch roofed room to see Abass turning and gliding restlessly like an injured python with the hand and leg smeared in typical traditional sooth. I looked into his eyes for a moment without uttering a word. I sighed deeply and left.

Three days time, his friend whose motorcycle he borrowed came with a taskforce to confiscate all Abass' belongings for his inability to produce the motorbike.

So, why share this story with you? I saw Abass today. He is not paralysed but I am truly devastated. I am pretty sure that he can't buy a bike's tyre now! 

This world has never been fair or is it the case of no condition is permanent?

Morals: 
- Education is the oxygen of success: success through other avenues is great but that of education is of everlasting greatness!  
- Don't make a decision when in distress: making decision in distress/anger is determined by variables faraway from the brain. 
- Don't sacrifice your primary reason to live to your secondary reason to grow. Before you grow, you must live first. 
- God can bring you from hundred to zero in a blink of an eye and vice versa! Prayer is one of the tools to change for the better or maintain for the good!

What moral can you deduce from the story?