A Ratty Experience of Ramadan

It was really a bad experience I never ever want to reminisce. It was first day of Ramadan fasting. I was for night duty at Surgical 2 - a ward where freshly operated patients are nursed. A ward death shows contempt to humankind every blessed day. 

Until now, a ward of rats that feasted on the feet and fingers of dead bodies who failed to die in time to meet the morgue man closing time.  

I had packaged my fasting food nicely in a black polythene bag. When I got to work, I went straight to the nurses’ restroom and put it on a table.  It was Jollof rice with two red meats. 

I returned to the main ward to attend to patients till 3:30 am - a time I could eat for fasting. 

I reached out for my food at the restroom. It was intact to the best of my knowledge. I untied it and began eating slowly until I got to the bottom. My two red meats was nowhere to be found. 

My goodness! This is mysterious! I raised the polythene bag and my guess was right - the rats have nicodemusly burrowed into my food and bolted with my meat. The hole looked ratty! 

My good God! My problem was not the stolen meat but the filthy dirt I have consumed. These rats have been running round the urinals and washrooms playing with all kind of faeces and whatchamacallit of all sickly origins. And may be these rats on the run with my meat might have entertained the several dead bodies that were recorded on that fateful night! 

In no time, my mind was inundated with imageries of all the possible unsavoury rats’ activities in the ward. I knew I had consumed all the dirt in the whole wide world. 

My mouth begins to well with ginormous saliva, my intestines took a reverse peristaltic movement, and my mind began directing me in some funny and uncanny way. Before I could get to the sink – it was like pooochaa! I vomited the tinniest particulate of the food in my clean-forsaken tummy! I vomited like seriously! The vomitus had come in stages from semi-solid to gelatinous liquid. It seemed like I had purged my bowls with tetraoxosulphate (VI) acid enema. 

If I was to vomit for the eleventh time, I am sure it would have been my intestines or something rather horrifying. Momentarily, I felt deep pain in throwing out but the nausea reflexes were violent to suppress. I could possibly pop out my eyes in an attempt to restrain it. 

Nonetheless, I mustered courage to continue with the fasting. But before noon, I found myself in the “Ant Bully” or “Epic” world of Lilliputian and Giantism imageries. Every tiny insect that crossed my eyes appeared bigger than my eyeballs. The first day of fasting was like the last day of fasting to me. 

Is Zero Nothing?

I overheard the teacher telling the kids to repeat after her. "Zero means nothing." As I pass by, I thought of saying loudly that, "Zero means something." I had a lot of things in my mind and didn't want my okro mouth to invite another wahala into any space in my head. 

I walked pass the school, a thought came into my head. Thought: "Zero is nothing, what if a smart kid writes 10 = 1 because why keep nothing with the 1. I remembered mathematical statements we used to answer with < > or =. If there is a mathematical statement like 25.......2500, will the child be wrong to use an equal sign (=) to make the statement true? Zero can't be nothing." 

In sets: if set A={ } and set B={0}, will you say the sets are the same? According to the teacher in question, they will be the same. Set A has nothing in it and Set B has zero in it. And zero means nothing. These sets aren't the same, not at all and never will it be. Set A is called Null/Empty set and Set B is termed as Unit set. And as a matter of fact, the zero (0) in B is terribly important. 

I made a U-turn to go and correct the teacher and save the kids. I paused and thought: "the greatest harm can come from the best intentions." This is a female teacher and she might think I am a braggart. She can create a scene. Women are very unpredictable. I could risk with a male teacher. Another U-turn, off I go. 

But then, I couldn't help the soliloquy. How can zero be nothing? Zero is not nothing, it is a value, it is something. Zero is a value of high repute. Zero might be nothing in 2+0 but it is certainly something at 2×0. 

In the night, I related the event to life. In life, so many people are regarded as zero but it takes people with foresight to understand that these people have value and useful to life. Never mind if society perception about you is like the zero. Your time will surely come to show how important you are. 

Lest I forget, I know nothing in maths but I can still remember something in my e-maths.

Vaginal Odour

Normal vagina has an odour and there is absolutely no problem. Normal vaginal odour is common during your period, after sex or after the use of birth control pills. However, if your vagina smells 'fishy', or perhaps 'ratty', there must be a problem. 

Offensive vaginal odour is described as 'foul' but 'penalty' will not be misplaced in some landmark cases. It is quite embarrassing and sometimes inconveniencing. It needs to be fixed asap! 

The vagina should be pink, all things being equal. I mean pink as in pink-sheet except the jurisdiction beyond the small and the big vaginal lips to Mount Venus. 

The vagina should be moist and reasonably warm but sloppy wet or dry hot vagina is a cause for alarm! And this is an enough sign to make you feel jittered and panicky!  

Keeping a neatly odourless vagina is a primary responsibility of all women because it helps them to be more productive. It gives one’s confidence and uplifts one’s image to go with daily work. A stench vagina can strain or ruin your sexual relationship. 

To prevent vaginal odour and its related irregularities... 

• Wear clean underwear. This is important. Please use only cotton panties.  As a matter of fact, two cotton panties are better than ten polyester panties. 100% cotton provides optimum comfort and air-conditioning. 

• Avoid douches and highly scented soaps. By the way, douche is when you mix omo, so klin, dettol, parazone, alata, lemon juice and sometimes sea sand and in extreme cases petrol, to wash the vagina for the purposes of keeping the vagina smell-free and may be youthful.  (Confidence, 2013).

Regular douche turns the friendly bacteria in your vagina to rather aggressive foot soldiers - they then go on rampage seizing what do not belong to them and might go beyond their limits. 

Mantain Law and Order in your vagina by keeping faith with the Döderleins to provide you with the right lethal pH of 4.5 approx.  Use only CLEAN WATER to douche. 

• Wipe your perineum from front to back once with single pad. I mean wipe from the vagina to the anus. Wiping from the anus to the vagina might potentially migrate boko haram militias for insurgence of the vagina. One pad, one wipe! One pad, one wipe! The perineum is the area between the vagina and anus. Do not touch this area 'by heart' with your bare hands. Your hands are potential colony of disease-causing animalcules.   

• Avoid tight fitting underwear and jeans. These garments prevent the area from being aerated, and sweating occurs, causing odour. You have to consider modifying your wardrobe if you care about your vagina. 

• Do not wear panties for too long. For instance, do not wear one pant for one week. A pant daily will do. Note: Do not wear a dirty pant after bathing before changing into a clean pant. Just wear a clean pant after bathing. Towel yourself well to avoid wetting of the pant. Everyone wants where it is cool including bacteria.  

• Change pads, panty liners, tampons regularly. Do not try to manage your pads for the next month. Use them as required! Buy more as required. If it is taking a toll on your budget, please hunt for a responsible man to help you with that. 

The good news however is that, the government will soon be providing sanitary pads to schoolgirls for free. This might help save a good number of ladies from this niggling wahala. 

• Avoid spicy or alcoholic or caffeinated foods. Alcohol will not only trouble you with bad vaginal odour but will considerably reduce your sexual virility and performance. Sex is a serious gymnastic bout and needs a hell of energy to expend. So, would you not rather shun energy sappers like alcohol and other sexually debilitating food?  

• Eat yoghurt to supply your vagina with better and further particulars – good bacteria that will keep it in good condition. FanYogo is just 80 pesewas - tell him to buy you one every day! (Ajeligba, not with this economy)! 

• Avoid prolong use of antibiotics. Antibiotic treatment spanning beyond three months may lead to massive vaginal rigging and irregularities – it may lose it pinkness when contrasted with a pink sheet. This usually deplete free, fair and friendly vaginal flora and fauna – thereby replacing them with the stubborn petitioner, candida albican and his bunch of ill-fated co-petitioners. The vagina defence counsel may try to put up a good fight – but the ingenuous petitioners will bloat their numbers and have their way through. The petitioners win the verdict. 

After the petitioners get into the system, they practise the tradition of their late grandparents – incompetently and wilfully causing financial loss to the body. Massive corruption of state (bodily) organs and remorselessly seizing what legitimately belongs to the citizenry of the body. 

• Avoid oral sex: the vagina is holier than the mouth. Avoid desecrating it with unclean and malodorous mouth! Again, do not ambush it with unholy and dirty articles. 

• Dry your pants in the open aerated sunny area. Most ladies feel shy to dry their panties in the open because their pants are not classy or it has become brownish white or whatever!  Half dry and damp panties provide optimum condition for pathogens to germinate. This may lead to #OccupyTheVagina demo. 

• See a doctor if these measures fail 

• Share with your friends and save someone from vaginal odour. 

Gaza Massacre: War Against Humanity

Assuming without admitting that the parents of these 'slaughtered' kids were terrorists or aggressors, would there be any justification for ending their lives in such undignified manner? This is not a war of religions. It's a war against humanity by misanthropes. This is act of sheer barbarism and annihilation of a variety of the human race. A depletion of a niche  of the homo sapien ecosystem. 

This is nothing short of the zany obliteration and decimation of innocent souls by Boko Haram, Al-Shabab, Al-Qaeeda and their demonic ilk. Yet, the world leaders who verbally abhor these groups without hesitation have lost their voices deeply in the mundane of moral turpitude. And the silence of comity of nations organisations is deafening. 

The gory scenes are horrendous: beheaded kids lie dreams dead under mercy of the scorching sun, dismembered bodies of pregnant women litter all streets, and half-burnt charred bodies of several innocent people heap like a deserted catch in rot. 

If the progeny of the Nazi's holocaust against their forebears  is oblivious of the ramifications of their satanic deeds, then the world must speak. Obama, Hollande and their compatriot narcissists bereft of moral decorum are not the world. They are infinitesimal atom of the world. You are the world. Your voice, no matter how shrill, matters! 

You are not a 'human' if you support the tsunami of human blood gushing out of our screens. The sins of fathers should not be visited on their children. 

Arise for Humanity!

To rise Gazans

This is an ARMAGEDDON! 

US Embassy Tweet Brouhaha!

I am in principle against the US tweet in response to the president's tweet of making sacrifices for the citizenry. 

First, USA is noted for her notoriety in meddling in the affairs of sovereign nations. She's supported and backed groups of people to rise against their own government. Gaddafi's Libya is a case to note. Today, Libya is in tatters. 

This needless tweet-response might provide a springboard for a group of ill-intent Ghanaians to take arms against a constitutional government in order to create a lapse for loot. 

It can also motivate exuberant youth of Ghana to cause mayhem under the false belief (or maybe genuine belief) that the USA of military might is on their side. I am not shunning people rising against their government - but I am against any uprising motivated by a third party - it will not be genuine! 

Let's consider this supposition, what would have been the reaction of the US government if Ghana was the offender? I am afraid it would have made international news for weeks and strain diplomatic ties. How will the overly patriotic America-first citizens react to the gaffe? 

As a fan of Ambrose Bierce, I have reservations about diplomacy but this one was an egregious blunder in the remit of diplomacy under no uncertain terms. 

I am not one of those who share in the lukewarm posture on IMANI. I consider them benign and they make sense many a time. But I am scandalised by their individualistic views on the infamous tweet - pro US Embassy. 

Manasseh Azure Awuni is one of my ardent following and I agree with most of his views on "Ghana must work again" as a passionate son of Ghana. Unfortunately, he is rooting for the US Embassy's tweet. I want to remind my good friend a proverb he loves saying: "The lion and the antelope are implacable enemies, but neither of them wants the forest which shelters them set ablaze". 

Admittedly, these are hard times with very little sacrifices and actions on the part of the government. I am particularly not pleased with the status quo of things but I am afraid we do not need the nosy USA and her associates to tell us whatever or undermine our sovereignty. Servitude in sovereignty is better than freedom in captivity. So, the US should leave Ghanaians to ask the tough questions - and truly we are asking them. 

This is a matter of NATIONAL SECURITY. Trust me, I am not making a mountain out of an anthill. US cannot be trusted. Even flies do not trust them. 

Last but not least, we know the USA like the back of our palms. THEY DON'T HAVE A PERMANENT FRIEND BUT PERMANENT INTEREST.

Birthday Message: Rhyme for the Bongo Boy Manasseh Azure Awuni

As boy from Bongo

Your best christen should have been Adongo 

Bongo and Adongo would have been in tango

Manasseh is that of a gringo 

Is apple superior to mango?

Wish you were a Virgo

For they are immune to vertigo 

Like the Japanese man in Mind Your Lingo

I am just doing my own thing'o

You are Ghana's conscientious jingo 

To your name is more Bingo 

You may see Afi Daavi to change to Atanga

Atibere Abotimasum Ayinisungma or Ananga

Or any of the some-tanga

To proudly rep Bolgatanga 

Nonetheless I adore the name Azure 

For it's gaining prominence like Italy's Azure 

A reality staring everyone like the Heaven's azure 

Awuni goes to the 

Alpha 

Omega 

Daren't go far 

To gaga 

Suhukpeeni 

Manasseh Azure Awuni

Happy Birthday

Birthday Message: Eulogy to Abdul Malik Kweku Baako

Provoked by his birthday, I deem it necessary to show my veneration to the last man standing in the realm of envious possession of archival manuscripts. I honestly wish we could deify or immortalise him for he's a repertoire of Ghana's sociopolitical scriptures. He's a custodian of top secrets documents of both pre-and-post colonial era. He's a hybrid of all profession though a media personality but his appreciation of the profession of Latin jargons is intriguing. This has earn him the accolade of rarity, the pro pocket lawyer. Surely, you will prefer him represent you in court if he thrills you with his technical competencies about the nuances of the law. 

He's an orator par excellence and his soundbites always rocks the airwaves unabated. "Go and say it to the marines", "baloney", "to be charitable", "a propaganda spin for political capital", "if I am provoked", "premature ejaculation", et al are his patented expressions enjoying abusive use in Ghana's political discussions. 

"Book no lie" is his watchword. Speaking on air is not enough. He always have the document to support his claim. You dare him documentwise at your own risk. His network is more sophisticated than the American CIA. The word impossible is not in his dictionary - he believes every document, no matter the content, is interceptible. What makes him unique is his knack for originality. He doesn't believe in transmitting and regeneration of documents to other forms. Don't get him wrong - he's not a technophobe. He's only preserving the epistles of truth. 

Who is this man? He's a man that presumably fall in the clutches of "when society drifts away from the truth, the more they will hate those who speak it" This man carry all dates of events of Ghana's historical agitations in just one brain cell - call him Ghana's early protestant and pioneer of demorioting. I just love him. I am not a gay! 

Badly, we need his prototype before he nicodemusly bolts to our home of origin. I will try and see if I can fit into his oversized shoes and gargantuan hat. But truth be untold, he's unparalleled when it comes to discretion - a forte many shall pursue till the kingdom come and at best achieve a semblance of it akin to the dollar and cedi relationship. 

The man you will hate to love and love to hate for speaking the unspeakable speakables is  Abdul Malik Kweku Baako. Don't die now or else we won't bury you! 

This post is not a fallacy of dubious validity.

Laa'illah-a-illalaah! 

Happy Birthday!

Errors on the president's social media pages

"The president's Facebook page is littered with basic grammatical mistakes and riddled with eye-plucking spelling errors. I thought we have learnt our lessons from Ben Malor's debut press release debacle. Just a week ago a press release on the asylum seekers in Brazil had "religious" spelt as "relgious". I thought our siblings on the other divide would have spotted it and make a gain, but I didn't chance any remark to that effect.

Every now and then, there is a snapshot of "silly" mistakes on presidential press releases and social media handles. It is becoming one too many for acceptability.

I am allergic to spelling errors and typos. Sometimes I pick a document and the first thing my eye will spot will be a typo/error, obviously not out of conscious effort to identify a problem in it. My private work sometime ago thought I was out of malice keen in spotting mistakes in documents until they understood me. My colleagues and I were able to manage the problem and keep it at bay. For Heaven's sake, this is the highest office of the land. The gaffes are utterly embarrassing. No excuses!

I consider spelling errors as more grievous and unacceptable than grammatical mistakes - you may be able to defend the latter but you dare not the former. As a matter of fact, if I am reading anything, and identify a few spelling errors or typos, I won't continue. The wrong spelling of a word has the propensity of overwriting the correct one in your head.

The admin(s) of the president's Facebook and Twitter pages must sit up. Managers of presidential circulars must 'up' their game. And perchance, spare us all the shame of being a Ghanaian on a social media. Pedantic is the word.

The presidency should note: circulars are created with Microsoft Office Word and by default autocorrect, grammar and spelling check preclude words typed in UPPER CASE. Get an expert to configure your word processor application to check for spelling or grammar in all cases (lower case, upper case, title case, sentence case etc). Or better still type everything in lower case first and change titles and subtitles to upper case. The shortcut key for toggling between cases is Shift + F3 after highlighting the text. Does this require a robotic scientist?

Lest I forget, I am not immune to grammar flaws and don't assess me because I am me and myself. I don't represent anyone on Facebook or any social media."

Brazil 2014 World Cup Statistics

WORLD CUP 2014 STATISTICS

Scoring:
Overall total number of goals scored: 171

Average goals per match: 2.67

Total number of braces : 14 - Karim Benzema, Toni Kroos, Mario
Mandžukić, Jackson Martínez, Lionel Messi ,
Ahmed Musa, Neymar (2), Robin van Persie,
Arjen Robben, James Rodríguez, André
Schürrle, Luis Suárez, Enner Valencia

Total number of hat-tricks: 2 - Thomas Müller, Xherdan Shaqiri

Total number of penalty kicks awarded: 13

Total number of penalty kicks scored: 12 - Xabi Alonso, Karim Benzema, Edinson Cavani, Juan Cuadrado, Sofiane Feghouli, Klaas-Jan
Huntelaar, Mile Jedinak, Thomas Müller,
Neymar, Robin van Persie, James Rodríguez, Georgios Samaras

Total number of penalty kicks missed: 1 - Karim Benzema

Penalty kick success rate: 92.31%

Own goals scored: 5 - John Boye, Sead Kolašinac, Marcelo, Noel
Valladares, Joseph Yobo

Timing:
First goal of the tournament: Marcelo (own goal) for Croatia against Brazil

First brace of the tournament: Neymar for
Brazil against Croatia

First hat-trick of the tournament: Thomas
Müller for Germany against Portugal

Fastest goal in a match from kickoff: 1 minute (0:30) - Clint Dempsey for United States against
Ghana

Fastest goal in a match after coming on as a substitute: 2 minutes -
Marco Ureña for Costa Rica against Uruguay
(introduced in the 83rd minute), Admir Mehmedi for Switzerland against Ecuador (introduced in the 46th minute), Miroslav Klose for Germany against Ghana (introduced in the 69th minute), Leroy Fer for
Netherlands against Chile (introduced in the
75th minute), Julian Green for United States
against Belgium (introduced in the 105+2nd minute)

Latest goal in a match without extra time: 90+5 minutes - Silvestre Varela for Portugal against United States

Latest goal in a match with extra time: 120+1 minutes - Abdelmoumene Djabou for Algeria against Germany

Latest winning goal in a match without extra time: 90+4 minutes - Klaas-Jan Huntelaar for Netherlands against
Mexico

Latest winning goal in a match with extra
time: 118 minutes - Ángel di María for Argentina against
Switzerland

Least time difference between two goals
scored by the same team in a match: 2 minutes (1:06) - Olivier Giroud and Blaise Matuidi for France
against Switzerland

Teams:
Most goals scored by a team: 18 - Germany
Fewest goals scored by a team: 1 - Cameroon, Honduras, Iran

Most goals conceded by a team: 14 - Brazil

Fewest goals conceded by a team: 2 - Costa Rica

Best goal difference: +14
- Germany

Worst goal difference: -8 - Cameroon

Most goals scored in a match by both
teams: 8 - Brazil 1–7 Germany

Most goals scored in a match by one team:
7 - Germany against Brazil

Most goals scored in a match by the losing
team: 2 - Australia against Netherlands, Switzerland against France, South Korea against Algeria, Nigeria against Argentina

Biggest margin of victory: 6 goals - Brazil 1–7 Germany

Most clean sheets achieved by a team: 4 - Argentina, Germany, Netherlands

Fewest clean sheets achieved by a team: 0 - Algeria, Australia, Bosnia and Herzegovina,
Cameroon, Ghana, Honduras, Italy, Ivory Coast, Portugal, Russia, South Korea, United States

Most clean sheets given by an opposing team: 2 - Argentina, Brazil, Cameroon, Costa Rica,
France, Greece, Honduras, Iran, Italy,
Netherlands, Nigeria

Fewest clean sheets given by an opposing
team: 0 - Algeria, Colombia, Croatia, Germany, Ghana, Ivory Coast

Most consecutive clean sheets achieved by
a team: 3 - Argentina, Netherlands

Most consecutive clean sheets given by an
opposing team: 2 - Argentina, Cameroon, Greece, Iran, Italy,
Netherlands

Individual:
Most goals scored by an individual: 6 - James Rodríguez

Most assists given by an individual: 4 - Juan Guillermo Cuadrado, Toni Kroos

Most goals and assists produced by an individual: 8 - James Rodríguez (6 goals, 2 assists), Thomas Müller (5 goals, 3 assists)

Most clean sheets achieved by a goalkeeper : 4 - Jasper Cillessen, Manuel Neuer, Sergio Romero

Least clean sheets achieved by a
goalkeeper : 0 - Igor Akinfeev, Boubacar Barry, Asmir Begović,
Beto, Gianluigi Buffon, Iker Casillas, Fatau
Dauda, Panagiotis Glykos, Joe Hart, Tim
Howard, Charles Itandje, Jung Sung-Ryong, Adam Kwarasey, Raïs M'Bolhi, Rui Patrício,
Mathew Ryan, Salvatore Sirigu, Noel Valladares

Most consecutive clean sheets achieved by
a goalkeeper : 3 - Jasper Cillessen, Sergio Romero

Least consecutive clean sheets achieved by
a goalkeeper : 0 - Igor Akinfeev, Boubacar Barry, Asmir Begović,
Beto, Gianluigi Buffon, Iker Casillas, Fatau
Dauda, Panagiotis Glykos, Joe Hart, Tim
Howard, Charles Itandje, Jung Sung-Ryong, Adam Kwarasey, Raïs M'Bolhi, Rui Patrício,
Mathew Ryan, Salvatore Sirigu, Noel Valladares

Most goals scored by one player in a match: 3
Thomas Müller for Germany against Portugal, Xherdan Shaqiri for Switzerland against Honduras
Oldest goal scorer: 37 years, 1 month and 12 days - Noel Valladares (own goal) for France against Honduras

Youngest goal scorer: 19 years and 25 days
Julian Green for United States against Belgium

Wins and losses:
Most wins: 6 – Germany
Fewest wins: 0 – Australia, Cameroon,
England, Ghana, Honduras, Iran, Japan,
Russia, South Korea

Most losses: 3 – Australia, Cameroon,
Honduras

Fewest losses: 0 – Costa Rica, Germany,
Netherlands

Most draws: 3 – Costa Rica

Fewest draws: 0 – Australia, Belgium,
Bosnia and Herzegovina, Cameroon, Colombia, Croatia, Honduras, Italy, Ivory Coast, Spain, Switzerland, Uruguay

Most points in the group stage: 9 – Argentina, Belgium, Colombia, Netherlands

Fewest points in the group stage: 0 –
Australia, Cameroon, Honduras

I Am A Northerner

I am a northerner. And that is a shame, but please don’t blame me, blame God. He made me a northerner and didn’t practice democracy when he did so.

Perhaps there was a conference in heaven (or wherever babies come from) in which parents choose their children. Blame my parents and not me, I don’t recall being part of it, I don’t recall choosing mine - but hear me out, I am proud of mine.

But, maybe, given an option, I might have made a better choice, but I came as a northerner. This is the accidental badge of shame I carry, like all men, but mine is worse - I am a northerner.

Long before my parents made their choice, colonial thieves drew the map, it had nothing to do with me - they made me a northerner. No plebiscite, no Gallup Poll. With a stroke of the pen, they made their choice and made me - a northerner. My choice was never a part of it; they followed the stars and hit the mark - to make me a northerner.

My land of birth is great and vast, full of life and changing scenes. Sometimes arid, sometimes green. Most times dry and sometimes wet - it is the northern land. I don’t blame others, if they don’t know, but I make them angry for just being me.

My land is dry and breeds “no things”- but lush tomatoes, scented onions, hot peppers, and loads of grain, ginger and garlic. My land produces maize and beans; sugarcane, kola, sorghum, moringa and millet.  My pastureland is best for cattle, goats and sheep, best for donkeys, horses, and fowls of all kinds. These are part of the northern nothing.

The earth yields sheanut, melon and seeds. Once upon an ancient time, my land made groundnuts that built pyramids like Egypt land. The best of yams and potatoes breed; the best of beans and protein needs; yes, they’re nothing compared with oil - parlous insignificance to today’s gold. Whatever the north produced is nothing here.

I rile not those who produce cocoa, nor quarrel with those that grow their coffee. I bug not those whose rainforests produce the best of trees, timber and rubber and palm produce. Its nuts and fruits and lush red oil.

All I ask is live and let’s live and hold aloft our red, gold, green and black star. I don’t begrudge the vast rivers - that give more fish than the TONO DAM. I crave the taste of crabs and shrimps; I love the oil that powers boats, cars and moving machines. I love the tar that colours the road and lubricants that oil the wheels and burnish flesh.

Yet all I ask is live and let’s live, but nay they say we want you out. I am a northerner, to be seen never to whine, complain or hold my point of view.

I am a northerner, and everything I touch brings me shame. I love the land and fought for it. I love its make from my vantage point- the confluence of the Volta river, watching the evening sun throw the final arms of its glow, like rainbow shoots across the rest of motherland and even that they’ll take from me. For I am a northerner, who must see nothing, hear nothing and pretend to know nothing.

I am a northerner. Others are allowed to make their heroes, keep their heroines and turn their villains into saints but I am accused of political greed. I am the “grand daughter” of NAVRO-PIO KWARA KADATUA, but today, I am the butt of modern jokes.

I am a northerner, cousin of Hilla Liman. My uncles shed the blood that glued this nation. Yes, perhaps, not make professors per square metre but I made mine in quantum too. In NDEWURA JAKPA and NAA GBEWAAH I share my blood. I am a northerner, branded loafer, code-named parasite and forbidden to fight the label. I am never judged on the strength of my character, nor on my personal skill, for I am not supposed to have a brain, skill or character - I am a northerner.

If I drink, I’m called a drunk, and if I don’t, am called a “villager”. If I eat they laugh at me, if I don’t they say, let her starve to death if she will.

I am the “daughter” of CHIEF S.D DOMBO, of unsung heroes and heroines, of brave hearts and royal Kings, of many tribes and many tongues. But when one Political leader errs, they say we are all incompetent; when one man allegedly fights another, they say we are all violent; when one man becomes the slave of a master, they say we are all inferior; when one woman chooses farmwork over education, they say we are all unlettered; when one woman is subjected to abuse, they say we are all timid and when one man takes a child and makes her his wife, we are all called paedophiles - because we are northerners.

The writer is the project officer for the Access to Justice Programme at the Commonwealth Human Rights Initiative. Her email address is: ruthlaic@yahoo.co.uk