Birthday Message: Khadlyn M Khadlyn

I call her My K, but when I'm under the miasma of mild verbosity, I prefer calling her "Evergreen", and accompany it with all the possible synonyms in a standard thesaurus.

"Evergreen" is a mundane word, especially in the remit of the grammatolatry faith, yet My K gives the word freshness at all times.

Her presence provides a feeling of warmth and effervescence among her partners in crime. Conspicuously noted for her genteel and refined nature, she can be overly gregarious. Well, Afia (a partner in crime on the right) will corroborate this for me.

She's got this innocent face, with unfading smile with high infectivity. Sometimes, just a mere mention of her, and she gives you a broad reflex smile - the zakkat smile.

She's a fair lady, not as in her complexion. May be you've heard of this maxim before: a faint heart never wins a fair lady. That fair! That fair Shiraz Saajida is a student of.

A sigma of her may include expressions such as great sense of modesty, citation of simplicity, prototype of fine art and Khadija of women.

Surely, if she'd appeared and lived somewhere in the ancient Greece. You probably would've read about Goddess of Affability in a Greek mythology.

Summarily, she's a Woman of Royal Mien!

Happy Birthday My K, Evergreen and Khadlyn M. Yahaya.

A Near Black Eid!

It happened when I was probably fifteen or younger. I wanted to disgrace rice. Those days, rice was a privilege. It was "by all means", TZ, all the time. So, Eid was a special avenue to eat rice and reserve some, obviously in your stomach, till the next Eid.

I starved myself the previous night, ostensibly to meet all rice squarely the next day. By cock's crow, I was up, lurking impatiently for the first rice ball victims. I'd cancelled Eid prayers because of my planned battle with rice.

Before everyone trooped back from Eid prayers, I'd cleared thirteen balls of rice and still counting. By 1 pm, there was no space in my tummy again. There was no even a space for a drop of water or even a molecule of air. I struggled to breath.

The urge to drink water suddenly held my neck mercilessly. But there was no way I could drink water. That was apparently suicidal. I restrained the urge but I was increasingly getting thirsty. I pictured my stomach full and sagging out of its compartment. I funnily thought, as a kid that my stomach could burst if I dare try to quench my thirst.

At a point, I couldn't just hold it anymore and gave up to thirst. I rushed to the water pot and a feeling of Tasmanian devil occurred to me - lift the pot and put it in your tummy. I reached out for the calabash on the lid of the pot. I stopped after the fifth calabashful and realised that I was acting like a pregnant fish; if I breathe, I've to wait for half a minute to breathe again. I never knew breathing could be so discomforting. I was simply choking with the water.

Anyone upon seeing me could tell that I was in rice crises. I realised that rice doesn't need only water when it's grown on the clayey farm fields, but needs more water in the stomach.

I felt my Eid was going to turn black because the battle for breathing and the thirst for more water were at each other's throat in my throat.

Daring death, I topped up with a calabashful of water again. I didn't know what happened next. But I found myself in the bushes behind my house, trying to get rid of some unprocessed rice. It wasn't coming. I tried to pee. It wasn't coming too. I mustered some courage, and walked slowly back home like a pregnant chameleon.

I got home, distancing myself from the beckoning water pots, as though, they were oracles of doom. I couldn't sit down, stand at one place or lie down. Only walking around like a duck helped a little - some relief.

God being so good, He sent a word to me through a little baby. One of my mum's friend visited with her baby. Whiles breastfeeding the baby, she vomitted. My mum said may be she has been over breastfed, a probable reason for her vomitting.

This scenario and its prophetic words guided and touched my troubled soul. I quickly went behind the house and dipped down my throat three fingers until the sensation to vomit became wildly irreversible. Poooochaaa, here comes the vomitus. In sight, were the murderous rice balls, pieces of legit and stolen meat and  gelatinous whatchamacallit with stains of palm oil.

The force with which the vomitus came out could cause a manslaughter. It was like a shuttle. Its sound was deafening and can be liken to the bang of 9/11 attack on WTC.

Immediately the effortful ejection, I bore down with hurting guts. My eyes were red and dripping off tears. My nose milling out particles of rice with peppery sensation. And my mouth wide opened to the brown earth for saliva to drool out.

Few minutes later, I raised my head. A great relief had come. I could feel an enormous allowance in my stomach as evidenced by somewhat regular breathing pattern. As I walk into the house, like I've aborted a baby, the urge to drink water comes knocking again. I gave my heart to God, briskly went to my mum's room and supported my head with two pillows, managing uneasily to get normal breaths.

I lay down, sighing "I'm sorry rice" with protruding tummy. In a modified prone position, I was motionless as if I've been rescued from the Gulf Of Guinea.

Grammar Point: Who vs Whom

"Who" and "whom" are two troublesome words whose usage can even confuse nerds of language rubrics. It is not uncommon to observe many English speakers abuse these words unintentionally.

Language neo-liberals, a school of thought that puts emphasis on comprehension rather than rules, may not be budged about the distinct difference between these words. But the fact is, these words cannot be used interchangeably.

Many a people use the words interchangeably though, but it does not make it correct. It is therefore imperative to know their distinction and use them appropriately both in routine daily spoken English and in strict academic discourse setting.

"Who" and "whom" are pronouns. They belong to interrogative pronouns. Pronouns are noun replacers.

Let's consider this sentence:

"Siyyat is very beautiful." can be rewritten as "She is very beautiful." The "she", pronoun replaces "Siyyat", noun.

Interrogative pronouns are group of pronouns which ask questions. Examples, "what", "which", "who", "whom" etc. 

Let's consider these sentences:

"What is your name?"
"Which colour do you like?"

The pronouns in the above sentences ask questions, hence interrogative.

"Who" vs "Whom"

"Who" and "whom" are also interrogative pronouns but their marked difference is that the former is used to refer to "subject" and the latter, "object" of a sentence.

"Subject" and "object" of a sentence are "class-onenic" concept understood even by P1 papas and mamas. Let's take a basic revision on it.

Consider these sentences:

1. "Aleke caned the naughty boy."
2. "Adnan gave the book to the girl."

In sentence 1, "Aleke", the performer of the action is the "subject" and the receiver, "boy" of the action is the "object".

In sentence 2, "Adnan", is the subject, "book", the direct object and "girl", indirect object.

"Who" replaces the "subject" in a sentence.

Consider these comparative pair of explanatory sentences.

1. She lied.
2. Who lied?

1. Akua Donkor was in Italy.
2. Who was in Italy?

1. Hikmat ate the food.
2. Who ate the food?

Note: "She", "Akua Donkor" and "Hikmat" are the "subjects" of the sentences. And "who" replaces each subject.

"Whom" replaces the "object" in a sentence.

Consider these comparative pair of explanatory sentences.

1. She lied to the kids.
2. Whom did she lie to?

1. Akua Donkor was in Italy with John Mahama.
2. Whom was with Akua Donkor in Italy?

1. Hikmat ate her sister's food.
2. Whom is the food for?

Note: "Kids", "John Mahama" and "sister's food" are the "objects" of the sentences. And "whom" replaces each object.

Summarily, "who" is a referent to subject. It replaces nouns and key pronouns such as "he", "she" etc.

On the other hand, "whom" is a referent to object. It stands in for key pronouns such as "her", "him" etc.

More explanatory sentences:

- Who/whom kicked the ball? 
- "He" kicked the ball. So, "who" is correct.

- Who/whom should I trust?
- Should I trust "her"? So, "whom" is correct.

- We wondered who/whom the literature was about. 
- The literature was about "him". So, "whom" is correct.

- We wondered who/whom wrote the literature.
- "She" wrote the literature. So, "who" is correct.

As usual, it's time for the word game. You will form one or two short sentences. And then extract "who" and "whom" questions from it. I will start.

"Sapashini is now working with Nestlé. He visited Tamale last month with his concubine."

- Who visited Tamale?
- Whom did he come with?

Let's go!

All intellectual inputs are welcomed. Thank you!

© Hanan-Confidence Abdul

Why is Obama pushing gaysm on Africa?

Human stupidity, as posited by Einstein, is indeed infinite. So, now pastors in the US who refuse to sanction gay marriages for conscientious and religious reasons are been punished. And this punishment could be draconian as much as one year prison sentence. Good Heavens!

Wow, the US is clearly showing defective reasoning on the basics of human rights which she has bragged about for decades. Even in Ghana, freedom of belief is highly respected and unamenable.

If a pastor is punished for his refusal to sanction gay marriage, then his freedom to belief on the 'whims' of religion is violated; because the law is forcing him to do what he does not believe in.

Well, it's now obvious that Obama's presidential campaign was funded by Andrews Solomon and his affluent queer (gay) community, to push hard their rights as president of US with super powers.

What at all is Obama's motivation about gay rights in Africa? We have got bigger fishes to fry - gay right is deeply submerged by greater priorities such as hunger, disease, exploitation, security (terrorism) inter alia. The cooperation of US and the West is hugely needed in those areas but not "non-issue" priority distracting baloney!

It is amazing how Obama want to end his term of office with such a spectacular amoral feat by putting the debate on gaysm to rest in Africa albeit an African.

This ignominious campaign shall not survive in the African soil. Mark Twain said somewhere that even culture supercedes the law. And we are ready to break the law to ensure continuity of culture.

Hogwash!

Inside Asiedua’s Chest - My divorce a day after my wedding day

Yes I am seeking divorce already! We met about a year ago at a friend’s birthday party. We started off by exchanging numbers then became friends few weeks after we met. On a dinner date one cozy night, Joojo Bentil asked me to be his wife. I laughed very loud. Then I said to him, “But you barely know even my name, and I do not know if your name is what you say it is.”

“I see in you all the qualities of the perfect wife I have been praying to meet,” he said with conviction and an obviously lump in his throat. He swallowed hard. I smiled. Then he asked “will you be in a relationship with me, please”? This time, I didn’t think twice, I just said yes. You know why? I had waited too long for that. You have no idea the things I imagined when he refused to let go of my hands after the introduction.

Do you remember the things you did in the first two months of your relationship? Ours was awesome; we spent so much time together and a talked on phone the little time we were not together. There were days that we could go to the beach, sit and watch the sea waves till dawn. I just can’t describe how I felt during those days, we could sit for hours especially at night, without a word but it still felt so good. We could walk hand in hand for hours, talking about nothing in particular and time seemed to fly faster than the shuttle that took American astronauts to the moon.

One of those nights, I turned to face Jo, as I often call him, looked into his eyes and said “I wish we would be like this forever”. Jo looked at me and said he wished so too and we sealed it with a kiss. Before we knew, the sweet two months were over and the problems had begun.

Our first fight was about a phone call. Jo promised to call me back after someone had interrupted our discussion on phone one evening. I waited for some time but he did not call back. I tried to call and guess what? Jo’s phone was off. I don’t know why exactly I was worried but I was. What made it worse was that, Jo had told me his ex-girlfriend had not gotten over him and she sometimes bothered him with phone calls.

A lot of thoughts were running through my mind - was Jo with his ex? Was he speaking with her on another line? I know this wasn’t right but the thought of him being okay was the last thing on my mind. I laid on my bed thinking about the lie Jo was going to give me the next day.

My phone was the first thing I grabbed when I woke up the following day. I checked and saw that Joojo had called three times already and sent four messages. The first message read

“I’m sorry I couldn’t call back bae (slang for baby). My phone went off and there was dumsor, the lights came back this morning. Then the second one said “Please pick up and let me explain, hun (slang for honey).”

The third one that got my head spinning went like “Baby, you’ve become part of me now and I won’t do anything to hurt you…pls let’s not allow this to destroy the great union we have started…I love you and nothing can change that…please pick my call. Love, Jo”. Honestly I wasn’t angry with him and I asked myself why he thought I was angry with him but I forgot about it.

We rode on like nothing had happened but the problems kept coming, most of which had to do with Jo’s ex-girlfriend but we managed them.

In one of our conversations one day, Jo asked me about how I wanted my wedding to be. The question got me smiling and rolling my eyes. Then I told him about the fairytale wedding I had always dreamt of and the honeymoon in Barbados. Yes! I wanted that because I had always believed that my wedding day was going to be the start of something extraordinary and we both deserved a wonderful beginning that would resound throughout our lives. Then Jo said, “Most women say they want very simple and classic weddings but they always have very grand weddings, hmm…but I’m in for anything that will make you happy my love. I just can’t wait to make you my wife” Those words got me smiling the rest of that day.

I couldn’t wait to be his wife either! Jo was the best of all the guys I had dated. I had always thought my ‘first’ (the man I lost my virginity to) was my best until I met him. I could see my husband anytime I looked at him and I felt so safe whenever I was with him.

It got more serious after Jo took me home to meet his parents after church one Sunday. Jo told his parents that we were going to get married soon. I looked at him in surprise. Yes I did, because he hadn’t proposed. I had forgotten his words on the day we met. When we left his parents home, I asked him if he meant that and he said yes. Fact is words can’t express how I felt on that day.

Jo came with his father and some two elders to declare his intentions to marry me. The date for the marriage ceremony was set when they came to do the ‘knocking’ or ‘kokooko’ a week after. Preparations for the D-day began immediately. Jo and I discussed the wedding almost every time we met or talked on phone. I told him I wanted an all white outdoor garden wedding and a dazzling wedding reception. We sat with a wedding planner and drew a plan, set an amount for the wedding and noted our expenditure. After a few consultations, everything was set.

Jo came back from work the following day with some good news. Joy FM wanted to open the 2015 beauty and Bridal Fair with our wedding ceremony. That was good news! Then I started imagining how that was going to be like, being on the cover of the Joy FM Beauty and Bridal Fair magazine. I couldn’t wait!

We hired vendors, bought the wedding gown and the groom’s attire. Photographers, caterers, and invitation cards were taken care of by Jo’s parents. Some things changed from then. The traditional wedding was slated for Friday at my father’s house and then my dream wedding ceremony was going to be held at the Accra International Conference Center and the dazzling reception, at a location in East Legon.

I checked the countdown calendar and we had just two weeks to go. Everything was almost set. The pre-wedding photo shoot was scheduled for the week before the wedding. That was done successfully at a location outside Accra.

The traditional marriage ceremony day arrived so fast. Unlike the wedding itself, the traditional marriage ceremony was to be done in a short and simple way. The whole house had been decorated. Some family members had come from our hometown to support and everyone seemed so excited. I had relaxed enough on the previous day so I woke up very early on that day. Did you just ask about bachelorette party? Well, I did not consider myself a bachelorette because I was in a committed relationship.

Phone calls and congratulatory messages started coming in as early as 4am, that day was about Jo and me, we were the topic for discussion in both families. I started feeling like a star already. The ceremony was attended by close family members and few close friends. It was a very brief ceremony. Both families made merry after the rites were performed. We took some pictures and went to rest for the next day. I thought Jo had gone to do same because he left earlier and his phone was off. “He wants me to miss him ahead of tomorrow” was what I thought so I stopped calling after trying a few times.

That night, I had a wonderful dream. And guess which part of the wedding I dreamt about? The part where Jo was looking straight into my eyes and saying these words “Until today, the day that I told you I loved you, the day that I knew I was going to marry you, that was the best day of my life, I vow to protect you, care for you and love you forever.”

Touching! I woke up with tears in my eyes and saw my mum sitting next to me on my bed. She smiled, said good morning and handed over a little box to me. It contained a beaded necklace. I smiled back, thanked and hugged her. I know mummy is going to miss me styling her hair, doing her make-up and taking photographs of her before she stepped out every day but she was happy for me.

What I was worried about was time. Thankfully, the make-up artist and hair stylists arrived very early. I peeped through my window and there it was. The 2012 Bentley Continental GT from EuroStar Limousines was parked in front of the house. After some hours, we were set to go. Jo had phoned earlier to say they were leaving the house. I could see the crowed that had gathered in front of the Conference Center as the car entered the place.

“So in the next two or so hours, many things were going to change”- this thought kept running through my mind. Everybody was waiting to see the bride-friends, family and all. The thousand cameras and eyes that were ready to see me got me feeling nervous. And omg…It felt so great! It was my day! The ‘ayefro-oo-oo- dondo-oo’ screams from the crowed and the- I’m- proud -of- you- smile on my parents’ faces added to the great feeling. I hadn’t felt like that in my whole life.

The procession was smooth. Before I knew it, I was facing Jo in front of a congregation at the Accra International Conference Center. The exchange of vows and rings did not take so much time. The opening of the Joy FM Beauty and Bridal Fair was done after the marriage ceremony. Holding hands, Jo and I visited the stands and shops at the fair and took photographs with almost everyone who came. I smiled throughout the period that my cheeks hurt after the recession.

My dream had come true. It was time to go home and change for the reception. Jo and I had practiced some dance moves for the occasion. We did not spend much time at the reception. Something else was calling. Hellooo! I know what you are thinking and yes you’re right. Lol

We wanted to open our new home with it but, at the same time we wanted to do it in Barbados when we have arrived and relaxed. Hmm…confusion! Jo put me in the mood when he carried me into the car. “I will be back shortly, my lobe”. He said, kissed me and run off. I picked up his phone to take a selfie and guess what I saw?

A picture of Jo and his ex-girlfriend kissing was his screen saver! I blinked and looked at it again and said nothing. This got me to go through his pictures. The screen saver was just a tip of it. I saw naked pictures of Jo and ex-girlfriend in bed. Just like you are thinking now, I thought they were old pictures but no, they weren’t! I checked the details and they were taken the night before, the eve of our wedding!

Jo came back and met me crying in the car. He asked what the problem was but I was speechless. I didn’t know what to ask, why I should ask and what I wanted to hear. I was so confused! I threw his phone, got out of the car and started running. I didn’t know where I was going, I was just going and he followed with screams “hear me out, please”.

I don’t know how I ended up in bed but I woke up in my father’s house. And that was how my one-day honour as the proud bride at the 2015 Joy FM Beauty and Bridal Fair came to an end. It was all a show but I enjoyed every bit of it.

Written by Asiedu Akosua of Joy FM

Tolerance

Don't mix bad emotions with bad words. You will have an opportunity to change your emotions but you can never have the opportunity to change the words you have spoken.

I never considered a difference of opinion in politics, in religion, in philosophy, as cause for withdrawing from a friend - says Thomas Jefferson, former US President.

To paraphrase Malcolm X, never despise or treat someone with contempt because they do not share your beliefs that seem to be the best in reality because you were where they are before.

If God were to descend unto earth for every soul to behold Him, sooner will He return to Heaven when people started asking the critical questions of doubt.

We have all been at that place before where you feel like just breaking someone head and inserting in 'their heads' the naked reality and truth they are so blind to.

Ever imagined the monotony and boredom in this world if we all speak one language and share same beliefs. We can never force everyone to belief in our story. Throughout modern civilisation, force didn't make a transcending impact on generations to generations. Force ends with their creators.

If your prime motive of an argument is to win over everyone, then you are a loser. Even identical twins (dizygotic), a product of same sperm and ovum have their opposing differences regardless of their physical likeness.

The number one problem of this world is some people trying to foist their beliefs on some people. The world would be the best place if we could be more tolerable to our respective views. How do we do it? Let's your thoughts drive your emotions. Don't let your emotions drive your thoughts. The latter is mutually injurious to all actors.

I am unacceptably sensitive to words. And I may forget your slap but not your words. You may regret your words but not your silence.

Let's direct our words or our words will direct us possibly into an abyss of rueful melancholia.